This week was a little cramped. I grabbed a few more shifts than usual because January came with a really big bill for our house that I needed to make up for. And then a coworker wanted to swap shifts with me so I've been really busy. But since she traded for the last day of my normal work week I'll have a 5 day weekend! I'm really excited about it.
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
I had to do a bunch of these exercises in a single day when I had time between my shifts, so I was lucky that they were really lax and easy to do. Mostly writing and making lists. This week was all about examining the "blocks" that keep you from pursuing your craft. I don't know, little stuff that makes you say " hm. I can't draw right now because I have to do so and so." And it tries to make you rule out all of the things that actually have a reason to put off art vs. ones that you're making up rules for in your head. For the most part, I think I'm just lazy.
Week 5 Tasks:
The reason I can't really believe in a supportive God (the force that drives you) is... - This was a list of 5 grievances I have toward art and the culture that I've experienced from it. I won't list all of them because some are too personal, but I think writing these helped me understand just how nervous I am to enter the industry. Especially now. I had always wanted to be an animator but the workload in my college drove me in a beeline the other direction. It just seems too monumental and I have no confidence in myself, and now with layoff season and really questionable choices being made my creative execs I don't think I'll be considering it seriously anytime soon.
List 5 desires. - Stuff that makes you say "If I had faith and money I could do this..." I was supposed to keep a little image file for when they were mentioned. So I could screenshot or take pictures of stuff in my life that pertained to them. I forgot. My biggest desire was to have a very appealing character design sense- so I guess I'm already doing that on Pinterest and stuff.
5 More lives.- It's the last one of this. I had to list 5 more lives that I would like to lead irrespective of how I grew up. This time I had an animal trainer, toymaker, computer designer, nature photographer, & professional surfer (?!) That last one just came to me out of the blue. But my hair has been getting longer and I already say "dude" a lot so maybe I'm more primed for it than I think.
If I were 20 and had money. - Exactly like it sounds. Just making a list of stuff I'd want to do. I actually think this would be more enjoyable if it was like, 25 and had money. I think I was still too naive and young at 20. A lot of my list was traveling, especially around Northern Europe.
If I were 65 and had money. - Same thing. This was also mostly just traveling. I also wrote down that I would want to buy a lot of animal figurines lol. I'll be honest, in the state of the United States as I've seen it while growing up I don't know how old I'll get.
10 ways I'm mean to myself.- Another list. I won't list any of these specifically. It was actually hard to come up with some- while discovering my identity as a trans man in early high school I decided that I was going to try and be a good friend to myself. The place I grew up in was very hostile to that kind of thing so I felt like beating myself up was just a good way to suffer twice.
10 items I would like to own but don't are... - Not all 10 but just a few: A really big Monstera Deliciosa plant ( I have no room in my house whatsoever), a Baritone Saxophone, A really big rug for my room.
My favorite creative block is...- Creative blocks were the topic of discussion for this chapter. The little things that make you put stuff off. I have a habit of being in "waiting mode". From my experience, it's a common thing for neurodivergent people. Where a plan for later in the day becomes all that day is about. So I'll wait around extremely reluctant to start on any larger projects for fear that I'll lose track of time. My favorite thing that makes me ignore doing art though is definitely getting into reading or watching something that I am SUPER into. It doesn't happen very often but it feels good when it does. The last time it happened I finished reading the Dungeon Meshi Manga to talk about it with my friend Kai.
The payoff for staying blocked...- I don't have to do a damn thing!!
Looking forward to my very long weekend... I have Tuesday and Wednesday left to go!! I'll also be able to finally work on my commissions. Getting close to done.
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